- no, no. [cheers and applause] - there are two things people think about when they are grocery shopping: fun and safety. on this beautiful easter morning, we are thrilled to give back to the people of south park, who, for the third year in a row, have made our grocery store number four in fun and number six in safety. let the hunt begin!

[overlapping chatter] [blow lands] - [grunts] - i'm alive! [panting] i'm alive, you guys! i don't know how, but i'm alive! can you believe it? it's a miracle! listen, everybody, last night i almost died, but then a passover miracle happened. the jewpacabra passed me over, and by the power of jehovah, i somehow woke up safely in my bed. i learned a big lesson. it's wrong, guys. christ didn't die for our sins, and god is angry. it's time for us all to stop this easter ridiculousness, accept jehovah as our god, and deny christ. - aw, stop tryin' to ruin easter, you--you heathen! - yeah! - that's right! - get out of here! - no, you guys, listen! [overlapping chatter]

[sighs] i finally know how you feel, kyle, knowing your religion is right but being laughed at by everyone else. it's so hard for us jews. but i guess we just have to let stupid people believe what they're gonna believe. - yeah. - i know what you're thinking, kyle, but i really do believe in judaism now. i'm not lying. - i know you're not. - cool, thanks, kyle. oh, and kyle, happy passover. - happy passover, cartman. from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is the daily show with jon stewart.

( cheers and applause ) captioning sponsored by comedy central >> jon: hey, welcome to the daily show. ( cheers and applause ) welcome. my name is jon stewart. i'm telling you, baby, we're back. tonight is our last show before we take a two-week break. (laughing) very excited peter dinklage from game of thrones, hbo show. a lot of nudity and a lot of beheading. let's begin tonight with a happy passover. i know you're settling in for the passover bacon, egg and cheese sandwich. (laughing) it's been a while since i ran a proper seder. i'll tell you who know what to do. barack obama. last week president barack obama, he made his first trip to israel as our president.

obviously it's not his first trip to israel. he also, we know from the history channel, was there about 2013 years ago as... i don't know. satan? of course the president was in israel to show that he was a friend to israel. checking out the dead sea scrolls and navigating the avant-garde red carpets of the west bank but of course danger lurked everywhere. oh, my god, mr. president! the robots. oh, my god! oh, they're jewish robots. they're bringing him some food. i'm going to stop you right there, mr. president. good matza? that's what's known in the business as a goy tell because unless it was slathered in

fluffer nutter or jammed inside a chip-wich, it tastes like the box it came in. matza sucks so bad they had to have a robot bring it to him. i understand you're a guest in israel, you want to be polite but you're allowed to say matza sucks, trust me. that's what netanyahu was thinking. you give matza to a jew, here's what they think. how many nights do we have to eat this [bleep]? anyway, got to take more than just pretending to like matza to win over this skeptical crowd >> so long as there is a united states of america (speaking hebrew), you are not alone. sniem is that what that means? touche or as they say in israel,

touchay. a stunning declaration of american support for israel's right to exist. and in the same speech... >> the palestinian people's right to self-determination, their right to justice must also be recognized. ( applause ) just as israelis built a state in their homeland, palestinians have a right to be a free people in their own land. ( applause ) >> jon: an american president sketching out a path to a israeli state, to a palestinian state. why didn't no one think of this sooner? >> we support a palestinian state, one that is negotiated by the parties. one that recognizes that israel has got a right to exist. >> jon: sooner. palestinians must recognize the right of israel. israel must recognize the right of palestinians.

>> jon: sooner! in our view, something must be developed that gives the palestinians people meaningful control over their own lives and fate and provides for the acceptance and security of israel. >> jon: we are [bleep] powerless. look, i don't want to say this is... ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: ... this is repetitive. i don't want to say this is repetitive for american presidents but watch this. hold on. that right there. (mumbling) hold on. >> it seems to me if jews ever get a state in the laadvantage, any arabs who live there should get one too. that's equitable and fair but what do i know? i'm only the father of your country. if you'll excuse me, i have an appointment inside a stripper's g-string.

( cheers and applause ) >> jon: talk is cheap. we've done that for years. call me when there's actually some diplomatic progress >> the president also scored a huge diplomatic victory on this trip today. >> jon: wait. what? did my ears deceive me? >> he personally helped orchestrate a major step in healing the rift between two critical u.s. allies. >> jon: could it be? what was it an end to the settle manies? rocket-free tuesdays? >> the president persuaded the israeli prime minister benjamin netanyahu to apologize to turkey over mistakes that led to the death of activists on the flotilla. >> jon: wait, what? obama brokered a peace agreement between israel and turkey, two countries no one knew was fighting? gee, i can't wait to see what he does with bosnia and denmark

situation. but for more on this historic breakthrough we're joined by senior middle east correspondent aasif mandvi. very exciting news. ( cheers and applause ) you are there live in the west bank. what is the mood like there? >> well, jon, palestinians here are thrilled with this important step towards peace >> jon: yes to see the historic israel-turkey conflict finally come to a peaceful end after thousands upon thousands of hours. i mean, there are countless israeli and turkish three-year-olds who have never seen peace between these two countries. i mean, i spoke to one palestinian who said, "good for turkey. they've suffered for so long." >> jon: i have to say that's somewhat surprising >> sorry. i misread that. that should have read, "oh, good

for turkey. they've suffered for so long." >> jon: that makes more sense. ( cheers and applause ) i imagine in the palestinian areas, in the palestinian areas, they've got to be somewhat disappointed with this and obama's trip in general. maybe feeling neglected by it. even crushed, their spirits filled with a never-endinending sorrow and despair >> a feeling they refer to here as tuesday. >> jon: maybe they can look at it as the jews might which is think of the great holiday palestinians are going to get out of this misery some day. >> you're not helping, jon jon: i understand. look, the only hope here is maybe somehow obama felt like he had to solve the israel-turkey thing before he could dig down into the six-layer turk [bleep] that is the middle east peace process >> jon: very quickly. the thing in the center of the

turk[bleep] was that ultimately when they get the palestinian statehood >> that's actually stuffing. but if you get through that... >> jon: you know, here's the other thing. israel could just stop building settlements. maybe palestine stops launching the rockets. they negotiate a lasting two-state solution. >> (laughing). oh, you're cute, jon. i am going to miss you this summer. >> jon: thank you. aasif mandvi, everybody. we'll be right

welcome back. we've been away for a few weeks. we've been away for a couple weeks. it seems like a good time to check in on one of the top items on the legislative agenda. issues that were agreed upon as a top priority >> i know this is not the first time this country has debated how to reduce gun violence. this time it's different >> we want to do everything we can to prevent guns from falling into the hands of people who are mentally unbalanced or criminals >> every idea should be on the table as we discuss how best to use that >> jon: if we could change the term shooting spree to [bleep]. nobody wants to be known as the

guy who [bleep] his pants. but the point is finally since the terribly vent in newtown a bipartisan agreement we were going to have to take substantial action to reduce gun violence. over 3,000 more american victims of gun violence. let's check in. what did we get done? >> the only votes that have been taken since newtown have weakened gun control in america. >> jon: okay. the vote the senate took last week to prevent the justice department, for example, from taking a look at gun shop owners' inventory to make sure there hasn't been theft >> jon: that makes since. newtown is one of the only gun measures prevents the justice department from tracking stolen guns. we've localed guns into a false sense of security. we have guns just for weapons. still this inaction hasn't deterred some gun control advocates. we spent time with one

especially determined group >> contrary to popular belief not not all gun owners are against gun regulation. some have acknowledged they're a hazard >> the firearm is dangerous. we're doing everything we can to correct this problem. >> reporter: and he has identified the biggest danger of all. >> the problem with guns is they're just too loud. >> reporter: too loud? just too loud reporter: that's the problem yes. every time you fire arrival without hearing protection, it will do permanent hearing damage to you. every time. you hear with your ears but what people don't understand is you hear with the bones in your face and your skull as well >> reporter: yes. while most experts have studied gun violence from the perspective of the bullet, few have studied it from the perspective of the sound. you see, when you fire a gun, it has 140 decibels of sound waves which can cause severe and

irreparable hearing damage but this man wants the public to know that there is an answer to this epidemic of violent gun noise >> it's called a silencer. we... we manufacture a myriad of suppressors for all sorts of firearms to help reduce the sound energy >> reporter: the silencers are like a medical device >> everybody is born with two fears, the fears of falling and the fear of loud noises >> reporter: and being shot in the face by a maniac >> that will have a loud noise reporter: some want to make it difficult for the public to obtain these wonder devices like this man of the coalition to stop gun violence >> silencers are dangerous accessories. it doesn't make us safer to allow people to be shooting others in our communities in stealth without being detected >> reporter: you don't care about your ears at all, do you? >> i do care about my ears but i think the problem with gun violence we're experiencing in this country has absolutely

nothing to do with hearing >> reporter: what do you suggest, we go back to using pillows and towels wrapped around the guns? >> i suggest allowing people to hear the report of gun fire is critical >> reporter: sadly thinking like this has led the government to institute burdensome regulations on silencers, like registering them, checking your criminal past, and having to fill out forms. it's a tragic hassle that the n.r.a. hopes to change. >> the regulation of silencers is so overbearing that law-abiding citizens don't want fool with the paperwork and the red tape >> reporter: every silencer transaction is recorded >> oh, yeah. every single one of them >> reporter: that's crazy most countries of the world don't regulate silencers. it's actually courtesy in germany to use a silencer >> reporter: i'm going to kill your father. as a courtesy, i will silence it. >> i've never been to germany. i can't speculate on that >> reporter: anti-silencer nuts

like everett want to actually regulate politeness >> there's nothing courteous about it. americans do not want people firing guns with silencers equipped in their neighborhoods >> reporter: do you even have a study to back that up? >> you don't need a study on that. all you need is common sense. >> reporter: but with america's ears suffering a tragedy every single day should he consider a more radical approach. i have an idea. less guns out there. less noise out there. maybe regulation is the way to go >> no. the government trying to regulate guns just will not work. >> reporter: gun regulation will never work then? >> it doesn't work reporter: what about the regulations with silencers? >> ridiculous. completely ridiculous. regulations of silencers are soy figure tiff that people typically don't want to buy one. >> reporter: so it's working too well >> i see your point. reporter: yes, america. until these strict silencer laws change, scenes like this will be

all too common. ,x

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mcdonald's dollar menu, home of the meaty, melty mcdouble you love... ♪ ...and other amazing tastes, for just a dollar each. ♪ like the bold hot n spicy mcchicken, and the new grilled onion cheddar burger topped with caramelized onions and melted white cheddar. everyday, as always, there's a lot to love for a little on mcdonald's dollar menu. my guest tonight is a good one. emmy winner, the game of thrones now about to premiere its third

season. >> it's not slander if it's true. >> what is the truth you plan on telling him today? >> why are you so nervous about what i'm going to say to father >> because you're a liar. you tell lies about me. >> any lies in particular? you're a clever man. not half as clever as you think you are >> still makes me more clever than you. >> jon: please welcome back to the show. peter dinklage. ( cheers and applause ) >> jon: how are you, my friend? i am good. jon: people... from the middle east to middle earth

>> jon: exactly. fantasy to fantasy. bam! people are so obsessed with this program. i have people that work here in this office who disappear for days on "game of throne" jags, and they just come back with that sort of can't-wait. you just coined something, sir. if somebody doesn't have nerd glaze dot-com right now. you have to register that. >> middle east to middle earth. nerd glaze. let's keep going >> jon: i think we're done here. this is like the best ever. this is nice. what are you doing? where do they film this to get these beautiful... >> jersey. (laughing) the mountains of jersey.

>> jon: (laughing) occasionally we go to a land called connecticut. we shoot in northern ireland, morocco, iceland, croatia, the moon. yeah. >> jon: wow. what's been the favorite so far for you, in terms of... >> we're based in northern ireland for the most part. that's where our studio is. beautiful. it's gorgeous. >> jon: i have not been there. i've not been to any place that you mentioned yet it sounds exciting. >> we're sort of running out of places to shoot. >> jon: are you followed by the... does the town know when game of thrones is in town and they all... >> they don't care. i think only in america do we have like the "us weekly,"

>> jon: there's no nerd glaze overseas. there has to be a european nerd glaze. egg-based french. there must be something that they do with that. i always assumed that when you're filming this, they keep you in castles just to keep... or is there like you come from a residence inn and they put the whole thing together and boom. >> we are called by a rain. by a raven. >> jon: it's all just a big... are there real wizards on set? it's the whole thing. dungeons and dragons. >> bring me my latte. that's the name of my raven. >> jon: did you think i didn't know that?

come on. i'm a fan. the whole thing now though is now to come back into the world of mortals and nonbeheadings and all that, have you felt like you've gone native in this medieval world? are you having trouble in this world without mead? and somebody brings you oatmeal and you're like really oatmeal, where's my pour ridge? >> the meal of the oat. it's hard to be back >> jon: back in the world in new york city, yes. no. what is the question? my life is very difficult >> jon: it is very difficult. i'll tell you what i'm going to do. i hate to bring this up. my kids are going to maybe come and see you. you're doing this kids things over at 52nd street project. >> right there.

jon: 52nd street. ( cheers and applause ) >> yes, it's this great that a gentleman gus rogers is artistic director of. they get a bunch of really good actors and then myself to appear in shows that these 10-year-olds write. they're about five minutes >> jon: it's awesome. i've been a part of that a couple times until the 10-year-olds decided that i couldn't act. >> apparently lewis black teaches comedy. >> jon: lewis black teaches comedy to children >> i really want to see that jon: 10-year-olds look at him like this. the third season of game of thrones, not on give anything away but your family does win and you become king. and the dragons